Tag Archives: Loss

An angel to watch over me

I was seven years old when my mother passed away. I don’t remember much about her but to me she was a loving woman who rarely raised her voice with anger at my sisters or myself. She was also an excellent cook and despite the little money we had, there was always a lovely smell in the kitchen. I remember her beautiful hair piled on her head and her long black skirt under which I would hide when an unannounced visitor would knock at the door of our home. Unfortunately, she died very young at the age of 32. I remember the day well, for it was the first time I’d been confronted with death. My sister woke me up early in the morning saying that mum had pushed on Heaven’s door, but I could not understand. I knew mum was sick. She had asthma and could not breathe properly ; she needed to rest and it was not easy to find a doctor in the countryside at that time. But I was just a kid and all I could wonder was how she managed to get up out of bed and open a door since she was so weak and where had she gone?! My sister brought me to Mum’s room to kiss her goodbye.   Lights had been covered and, despite the lilies, there was a strange smell floating in the air. Mum was lying still and cold on her bed, her hands folded on her chest. She was different and so pale. She looked like a wax doll with her long hair by her shoulders and her eyes closed. My sister whispered to me that Mum’s new home was in Heaven now and that her soul had been set free. Now she could overhear not only what we were saying but also what we were thinking, so we had to behave and make her proud so she would always love us.

From this moment, surprisingly I was not afraid! I knew mum would always look after me and eventually protect me because she was an angel now and her spirit would always be around. I could talk to her about my life, pray to her and ask for help if I needed it, which I did quite often. I guess this thought has empowered me and helped me to go through life, which has not always been easy but she has never let me down. I survived a devastating house fire without a single scratch, I was captured by the Germans during World War 2 and by some miracle I managed to escape. I have reached 96 years of age and have never been sick in my whole existence.

But today is the saddest day of my life and I need her more than ever to help me get through this painful time. I am praying to her to welcome my son, her grandson, whom I am mourning, into her home.

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This sad story is one of my assignments from creative writing class that I wanted to share with you. We were asked to look at old pictures we owned and to write a short story up to 500 words about loss from the perspective of a person we had chosen. The idea was that the loss had occurred when the person was a child and we had to tell what happened and how it had impacted our character’s life. We were also asked to write in the first person subject past tense as it was a recollection and many years had passed since the tragedy had occurred  We had to show what the child had learnt through this experience that stayed with him to adulthood. I must say it was a difficult exercise since generally I prefer to write about fun things and loss is not really my favorite genre. It was also a bit overwhelming for me since I decided to base my story on a true family life chapter. Actually I chose my grandfather who lost his mother when he was only a child and I became his voice for the duration of this assignment. On one hand it made me sad and a bit depressed to write about these past memories, I mean I can only imagine how hard it must have been painful for him. But in the other hand I am glad I could transcribe as a tribute stories I have  been  told a  couple of times by my grandfather. His mother, my grand-grandmother, was a beautiful woman who sadly died very young from asthma and I am grateful she is a caring and loving angel watching over my grandfather in sadness and happiness helping him to go though life giving him hope and bravery.

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My grandfather’s mother who died at 32

Red

She stopped the car at the red light. She looked briefly into the rearview mirror and she noticed her eyes were still red from crying.  The roses were lying next to her on the front seat. She was wondering who was sending the flowers; probably somebody who wanted to feel good about it! Each damn year on Valentine’s day it was the same old scenario: a beautiful deep red bouquet would be delivered to her work place without a card or a message. In a way it felt good that somebody cared about her, but at the same time it hurt so much because it also reminded her of the passion and love she once had, which had been tragically and irremediably taken away from her.

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This text is one of my assignments from creative writing class. Rather than starting to write from an idea, I was encouraged to start with a word that would act as a trigger for writing. The idea is to explore the sounds and meanings of words, to get new ideas and perspectives. I was asked to write only a paragraph (short story) using the trigger word: RED by sound or by meaning… it was up to me! I must say it was interesting because I never proceeded this way before… generally ideas or images drive my creativity! So it was interesting to start from a simple word as “red” and build a story around it! I am happy with the result because I managed to create a story in just 100 words! What I really enjoyed about this exercice is the fact that at the beginning I had no idea where my story would go… I just knew I would use “valentine’s day”, “roses”, “traffic light”, “passion” because they are deeply associated to the red colour but my story really took life under my pen with the words I was using one line at a time, growing like a deep velvet rose on the heart of my white page filling it with its warm colour! 

Moving abroad with or without your pet?

“Until one has loved an animal a part of one’s soul remains unawakened” – Anatole France

A couple of years ago, I decided that I wanted to live the dream and have an international career. It was a project dear to my heart hidden in a little corner of my mind like forever. But at that time I was living in Paris with my 10 years old cat and his name was Paulo.

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Paulo and myself sitting on the window of our Parisian flat

He was the most adorable cat you could ever have imagined, always purring, asking for cuddles, giving love. Paulo was neither the bravest cat nore the most agile one… First, he was scared to death when hearing somebody sneezing! Secondly jumping from the floor to the table or walking on the bed frame seemed to be too challenging: actually he fell a few times BUT he had a big ego and hated when I would laugh at him that’s when I learnt to do my Poker face (thank you Lady Gaga).  But he was my cat and I loved him unconditionally no matter what. So it was obvious that Paulo would be part of my adventures should I move someday overseas. I started to enquire about how it worked, what kind of vaccination would I need, paperwork to deal with, pet carrier to choose…  it seemed complicated and expensive but a pet is part of your family so you’re ready to face these kind of problems! Unfortunately Paulo was diagnosed with kidney cancer and passed away shortly after this heart breaking news. So I never got the chance to bring my cat with me abroad. But as a pet lover I can totally put myself in your shoes. So what is going to follow now, is not my own experience but stories from friends who live overseas with or without their pets.

First you need to know that the decision is not that easy… Moving abroad is a lot of logistic and stress (for you and your animal) so some people decide it is a too big an issue and they prefer not to bring their little companion. They choose instead to give their dog or cat to a friend or a relative. It seems “easier” on a logistic point of view but actually it is not… because I have seen these same people crying and missing their pet a LOT!

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I want Mr Whiskas back!

I mean when you adopt your animal at the first place it is because you want to love it forever! Remember the first day your pet arrived in your home, how happy you were, how much you cared about your dog or your cat! So having the feeling of abandoning your little companion to make both of your life easier can be hard to cope with! So think about it twice… if you decide to leave your dog/cat behind you, make sure it is in good hands with people you trust and who will be able to keep you posted and be ok to handle the situation if you change your mind and want your animal back. Because you can think at the first place it is going to be ok and then realize you are too sad and too depressed… Keep in mind that when you will move overseas you will have no friends at the beginning and you will miss your country, your family, your old life a lot! So the absence of your cat/dog could be the straw that broke the camel’s back, better to have a plan B just in case!

On the contrary, I know other people who can not possibly imagine their life abroad without their pet. My friend Nasim (from Iran) has a lovely dog named Judy that she loves very much. When she decided to move to Australia, her dog was part of the plan!

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Judy in her previous home in Iran

But it is not easy either because when you move with your pet to Australia, laws are very strict and you have a very long delay to respect and it can be extended depending on your dogs’ results, current health etc… http://www.agriculture.gov.au/cats-dogs . You have to live with the guilt of putting your animal through all these confusing experiences (leaving its home, its family and its routine for a while, long stressful trip, noisy shelters, cold cages, multiple tests, long time no see, strangers)… like I said there are no ideal solutions.

Furthermore, Nasim’s dog could not do its quarantine in Iran and had to be sent to Canada in a shelter for the whole duration and it is been a long time now… It is hard because the duration was extended many times and Nasim is missing Judy a lot and wondering how her dog feels about this situation… she has not seen Judy for 8 months! But a few days ago, Nasim received a good news: Australia is ready to welcome Judy now, all paperworks have been approved and she will see her dog very soon! The next step now is to find a good pet doctor in the neighborhood, nice parks for dogs and most important a welcoming home! Bear in mind that many landlords don’t accept animals so it is important when you move abroad with your pet to find a place where it is allowed and mentioned in the leasing contract!

Whatever you decide, focus on your pets’ interests, find the “best” solution for both sides and try not to feel guilty about the situation (it won’t help anyway). Good luck ❤

“Tant que vous n’avez pas aimé un animal, une partie de votre âme sera toujours sans éclat, endormie.” Anatole France